


Dancing on my own

by Frog_heart_00



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A bit of angst but hea, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Armitage and Dopheld are kinda "nice, Bazine Netal is Worse, Cheating, Club owner Poe Dameron, Eventual Fluff, Eventual meet-cute, F/M, Healing, Heartbreak, Inspired by fan artwork and swedish pop artist Robyn, Like REAL heartbreak, No Smut, Poe Dameron isn't THAT great, Some clubbing happening in the backgronud, Some swearing., relationship troubles, some overuse of alcohol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-11-04 11:00:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17897186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frog_heart_00/pseuds/Frog_heart_00
Summary: Rey Jackson and Ben Solo are convinced they have the perfect relationship; Rey with Poe Dameron and Ben with Bazine Netal. Although they're trying to make their relationships work, things are not as they appear to be. The truth is revealed and their "perfect" relationships quickly fall apart. They must go through heartbreak before they can eventually go on with their lives... How can they survive a horrible break-up? How can they eventually heal? How can fate bring two brokenhearted people together?





	1. With Every Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> OMG! This is my very first fic in this fandom.  
> I totally got inspired by Selunchen's lovely artwork and several of Robyn's songs.  
> I really hope you will enjoy his!  
> A big thank you to:  
> \- The Writing Den for giving me the push I needed to start writing (and publish!) a Reylo fic.  
> \- [Deadlikemoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlikemoi/pseuds/deadlikemoi) for betaing  
> \- [Selunchen](https://selunchen.tumblr.com/post/182085890112/selunchen-so-far-away-but-still-so-near-the) for the inspiration!

****

 

 

**Maybe we could make it all right  
** **We could make it better sometime**

 

**Maybe we could make it happen, baby**  
**We could keep trying**  
**But things will never change**  
**So I don't look back**  
**Still I'm dying with every step I take  
** **But I don't look back**

 

**Just a little, little bit better**  
**Good enough to waste some time  
** **Tell me would it make you happy, baby**

 

**We could keep trying**  
**But things will never change**  
**So I don't look back**  
**Still I'm dying with every step I take  
** **But I don't look back**

 

**We could keep trying**  
**But things will never change**  
**So I don't look back**  
**Still I'm dying with every step I take  
** **But I don't look back**

 

**And it hurts with every heartbeat**

 

0000000000000000000000  
**The break-up  
**0000000000000000000000

 

_Fuck Poe Dameron._

 

There she was, dancing with her friends at The Resistance Club when he appeared in the crowd, straight out of nowhere, smiling warmly. It had surprised her at first, that he, the owner of a popular club in Takodana, showed an interest in _her_ , Rey Jackson, a student in mechanical engineering, dancing on the dance floor, blowing off some steam.

 

He’d introduced himself, flashing his pearly white teeth, gently grabbing her hands, those brown chestnut eyes staring, listening eagerly to every word she said. He’d shown her attention, an attention she probably craved for and made her feel like she was the most important person in the world. Her defenses, usually on alert after a broken childhood, had fallen down as she easily succumbed to his charms. Who could resist to his smooth-talker? He was, in  honesty, a really _nice_ and _cool_ guy.

 

Poe Dameron was friends with everyone, like literally, _everyone_ in Takodana. If they went to a restaurant or concert, there usually was someone that would come up to him or he’d go up and say hello to someone he’d recognized. It usually led them to getting free booze, backstage passes, VIP spots, really good stuff. Who was she to complain?

 

When they officially started to date, Poe had eagerly introduced her to his friends and Rey was further convinced that he was the perfect boyfriend because not only did she get to date this _great_ guy, she’d introduce him to something that she was little familiar with, a _family_. Poe had this small group of loyal friends (the closest ones being Snap, Kaydel and Statura) that had eagerly welcomed her into their group. If Poe went somewhere, his loyal band of _merry men_  usually hung around in the background, never too far to make the event a bigger success.

 

For a time, all was well.

 

Poe managed his club while Rey concentrated on her studies at Takodana University. Understanding of her education (and encouraging), he gave her the space she needed (offered his brainier friends as advisors if needed) while she supported him in his business endeavors however crazy they were.

 

Poe would often get the wildest ideas and he‘d ( _all too often_ ) suddenly announce that _they_ were (meaning him, Rey  _and_ his friends) going on someone’s yacht or ski resort for the weekend, or worse, bungee jumping off some high bridge simply because he felt like it.

 

Finn and Rose, Paige and Jessica, her dearest friends, heck, even Maz, her boss at the coffee shop, fell under his spell.

 

“You two are going to make such cute babies.” Rose cooed at one point when they had reached their six-month anniversary and Poe had surprised Rey by booking a suite where the floor was completely covered with rose petals and the tables with lighted candles.

 

“Oh man, I hope I can be the best man.” Finn had blurted out when Rey had described their romantic weekend.

 

Everything was _perfect_ …

 

He’d always devoted most of his attention on her, making sure she was okay and having a nice time, making her laugh. They rarely fought.

 

Despite having little experience in relationships (she'd _had_ relationships before but never _this_ serious), Rey was convinced she had been so lucky to have found this amazing guy so young (she was only 23) that she was starting to believe that he was the _one_. Her future couldn’t look any brighter.

 

But, as they were reaching their first anniversary and Rey was beginning to consider them moving in together (although Poe never mentioned it and she was at _his_ place most of the time), she began to notice (or better said, _admitting_ ) small things that she had probably ignored ( _avoided_ ), small things that should have raised red flags in her mind:

 

Poe simply _loved_ female attention.

 

Rey was beginning to notice, especially in the clubs, how often he would be chatting to girls, _girls_ that were often _lesser_ dressed than her, girls with _perfect_ hair does, girls who eagerly battered their eyelashes at him. He’d laugh with them, put a hand on their shoulders, offered them drinks and would always welcome a sudden kiss on the cheek or a bear hug without hesitation. At first, she was convinced it was only her imagination playing tricks on her. Maybe she was the jealous type and she didn’t want to admit to it but as she noticed _every single time_ they went to the club (and _it_ usually happened when she was on the dance floor, talking to someone, or simply when she was _physically_ away from Poe), she knew it wasn’t just a _coincidence_.

 

“Oh Rey, so the bitches know that Poe is hot stuff, that doesn’t matter. He’s yours, girl, he comes home to _you_.” Rose had said in between several tequila shots after Rey had threatened to punch the girl Poe was talking to at the Resistance one night.

 

Knowing she was better than some jealous girlfriend, Rey decided to take on her insecurities head on, and joked to Poe one evening after they were done with dinner.

 

“You know, those girls you talk to, they are very _pretty_.” She’d say nonchalantly as she was putting the dishes in his dishwasher.

 

Poe chuckled as he leaned back against the counter, a boyish grin appearing on his face. “Oh, come on now Jackson.” He said softly, his eyes roaming up and down her body before he bit his lip. “You’re the only one for me.” He’d stepped behind her, putting his hands on her hips before he leaned down, his breath on her ear. “You _are_ the _only_ one for me.” Her body went into some sort of frenzy as she turned around and pressed her lips over his, the dishes forgotten for an hour or two.

 

Things had seemingly gone back to normal after that little _chat_ and Rey was feeling good about their relationship. She tried to put her jealousy aside and concentrate on the fact that her “ _hot_ ” boyfriend was hers and it did feel empowering, improving the sex for a while.

 

Their first-year anniversary was coming soon and Rey expected something big to happen. Everything was beginning to fall into place. She had her finals coming up at school and soon she’d graduate. They talked about Rey continuing some masters degree afterwards, Poe thought that would be a wise choice since she’d already had a scholarship waiting for her if she wanted to. Rey wasn’t too certain since she thought maybe getting a proper job would give her a bit more leverage in their relationship, meaning that then, both having an income, they could really start planning their future, moving in together, traveling, doing whatever young couples were meant to do before eventually settling down.

 

Poe reassured they would get to that no matter how long it took.

 

In the end, she decided to go on to her Masters degree (Poe approving).

 

Although Rey was looking forward to her plans, Poe had never mentioned what he wanted for their future. Perhaps he was being secretive or perhaps he was just happy the way things were right now, the latter being more obvious, according to Rey.

 

That was when things changed.

 

It was in the early days of May and her finals were starting in a couple of weeks. Concentrating on her studying and reviewing her final assignments, Rey didn’t react when Poe suddenly had to make weekend business trips to Illum, knowing how he usually had business deals across Takodana and in the surrounding cities.

 

She didn’t react when Poe didn’t call her during those trips, knowing he respected her time and knowing she was busy with school.

 

She didn’t react when Poe didn’t mention about their upcoming one-year anniversary.

 

But _she_ _should have._

 

Things were _okay_ , according to Rey, they were both _busy_ , they were both doing their own things. It was _normal_.

 

His sudden radio-silence was probably due to him planning their anniversary, she thought one Friday afternoon after spending the day cramming for some final. It happens. He’d been secretive before, planning some crazy celebratory stunt in the past, _he’s probably doing it now._

 

In a way to ease whatever tensions that were building within her, Rey decided to surprise Poe the morning after with breakfast in bed. Smiling at her ingenious idea (she usually let all the surprises to him), Rey woke up early on Saturday morning, showered and put on a cute little dress as she ran out of her apartment at 8am, getting some greasy breakfast burritos that Poe loved so much, a dozen of donuts from Dunkin Donuts and coffee. Proud of her accomplishment, Rey went to Poe’s apartment, smiling brightly, taken out the key she had received early on in their relationship and unlocked his door.

 

The large bright apartment was quiet and Rey remained stealth as she took out her shoes and brought the items in her hands, walking towards his bedroom, a door on the far corner of the apartment. She tip-toed and grinned, hoping the floor wouldn’t creak.

 

She thought she heard ruffling sounds from the bedroom. Quietly, she opened the door and gasped loudly as Poe was laying on the bed, a tall woman (both nude) with pearly white skin and short blonde hair straddled above him, moaning in utter delight.

 

“What the fuck?” Rey yelled as all the items fell off of her hands and landed on the floor, her mind blanking as it realized what was happening.

 

The blonde stopped abruptly and turned her head, swearing loudly as she unhooked herself from Poe and covered her body with a bed sheet. Poe pulled up his boxers right away.

 

“Who the fuck is she Poe?” The blonde beauty (because, from what Rey could see, she had perfect skin, perfect hair, a delicate British accent and mile long legs) groaned angrily.

 

“Rey!” Poe begged as he jumped off the bed and ran after her as she stepped back, completely disgusted.

_This isn’t happening_ , Rey thought as the tears began to form and the anger, the utter anger that was building in her chest, _this isn’t fucking happening_.

 

“I fucking trusted you, Poe” She screamed as she stomped to the door, grabbing her shoes, not bothering to put them on. She just needed air, _lots_ of it.

 

“Rey, come on, please stop.” He begged as he followed her down the corridor and into the stairs.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about Poe, you miserable piece of shit.” Rey said between tears. “I loved you! And you do _this_!”

 

“Look, I’m sorry doll… I… I…” He muttered, one of the rare times where he was lost for words. “This wasn’t meant to happen, I wasn’t trying to hurt you…. But Phasma… She’s…” He paused and passed a hand through his short hair, looking sadly. “I think I love her Rey…. I mean. I love you too … But Phasma…” He stopped, knowing he had said too much.

 

Rey rolled her eyes and groaned. _Of course, this is happening, now, of course this is happening when she was secretly wishing and hoping he would propose or ask her to move in with her._

 

“How can you fucking do this Poe, really, you had the chance stop this, you could’ve said something! You led me to believe… You… You.” She poked at him repeatedly in the chest, each poke more violent. “You are a horrible person.”

“Look Rey, calm down, we need to talk about this.” Poe groaned as he stepped away from her, pleading.

 

“About what?” She said through gritted teeth. “How you broke my heart?  Like not even five minutes ago? No Poe, Fucking that girl will not excuse you for anything! We are so fucking done!”

 

“Wait, Rey-”

 

“Go fuck yourself Poe.” She said resolved before she continued down the stairs, flipping him the finger.

 

_Fuck Poe Dameron._

 

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

 

“The girl isn’t good for you, boy.” Han Solo’s voice muttered as he was working under the old Falcon, probably screwing or unscrewing or whatever the fuck mechanics did under a car.

 

“I’ve never seen you so interested in my love life before, dad.” Ben sniffed coldly as he was leaning against a trolley, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Believe me I’m not but your mother is, and she wants grand kids and since she’s not happy with Bazine and I have to hear about it every fucking day, I have to show _some_ interest in your love life.” Han sighed boringly.

 

“We’re fine, dad.” Ben tried to sound reassuring, wondering why in the hell his parents didn’t like Bazine. She was pretty, she had a successful career at her  boutique and had great friends (even if their idea of fun was sipping these tiny girlie drinks in some snooty club, giggling and laughing in their VIP suite).

 

“I see that you guys are fine. Those clothes you’re wearing, they were her idea?” Han scoffed as a tool fell down on the ground, making a clank noise on the floor. “And the haircut?”

 

Self-conscious, Ben passed a hand through his short hair, feeling his ears popping out ( _Thank you_  Armie and Dopheld for making fun of his ears during their first day of 7th grade when they met for the first time, making him aware of them ever since) before he looked down at today’s outfit. Sure, the light brown checkered tweed pants were a bit _un-him_ but Bazine had assured him that it was the season’s trend (not that he ever bothered knowing what was _trendy_ ). And the pumpkin orange hand-knitted turtleneck sweater was itching his throat and made him a walking furnace but Bazine had also implied that he looked so smart that way.

 

“ _Just like the writer that you are!_ ” She had cooed, placing a kiss on his cheek before she tootled out of their apartment, wearing a skin-tight black dress, an extremely high pony tail that would rival Ariana Grande’s and a thick layer of make-up that made her brownish skin glitter healthily over her super symmetric eyebrows. It was _Monday_ morning.

 

“Give it a rest.” Ben said, a bit more menacingly as he pulled on the collar of his sweater, feeling the heat damping out. “She only has good intentions.”

 

“Of course, she does.” Han said dully but Ben could almost listen his eyes roll. “Tell me, she has a leash around? Did she manage to house train you when she’s gallivanting around town?”

 

“That’s enough Dad.” Ben spat as his fist hit the trolley behind him, the tools on the surface making noise as they fell down. “I don’t even know why I bothered coming here.” He bellowed angrily. “You guys are always inviting me over to _talk_ and then you just turn around and start complaining about her when she’s been nothing but nice to you guys.   _Fuck_!”

 

Sighing rather loudly so that it resonated across the garage, Han Solo crawled out from under the Falcon and wiped his blackened oiled hands on some old rag as he looked exasperated at his only son. “Kid, it’s not that we don’t like her. Bazine is a-” He paused, thinking for a moment. “ _Great_ gal but son, come on, you’ve changed so much since you moved in with her, we don’t even know who you are anymore. Your clothes, your hair, your friends, your apartment heck, even your writing, you’re just not the same.” He got up and walked over to a small fridge and pulled out two beers, handing one to his son. “Look, we know with time you change… But that woman, she’s got you totally whipped.”

 

“She just looks out for me, that’s all.” Ben muttered, lowering his eyes. “She could have gotten anyone she wanted but she chose me and I should be grateful.”

 

“I get what you’re saying son; I really do.” He replied to an unconvinced Ben. “But that doesn’t mean you have to get your balls cut off just to make her happy you know. I mean, you’re at her every call and whim. When’s the last time you’ve seen Armie? Or Mitaka? Or Phasma?”

 

“Armie doesn’t really get along with Baz.” Ben admitted. “Dopheld is busy with his career and Phasma’s busy fucking the entire male population.”

 

 “Ben! _Language_!” Han groaned though he clearly showed his surprise at his son’s crude comment. He shook his head as to shake off the thought and retook his serious _dad_ expression. “Look son, we only care about you and despite your mother’s ambitions of becoming a grandmother before she dies, she does want to see you happy and a mother knows when her kid isn’t.”

 

“Well, she could’ve fooled me when I was struggling during high school.” Ben said under his breath, memories of a miserable teenager resurfacing.

 

“Yeah, well, you’ve always been broody so…” Han shrugged before he gave his son a pat on the shoulder, a pat that usually meant _sorry we were crappy parents, we tried our best_.

 

“Look, I can’t stand you guys talking crap about Baz. She’s a great girl and she looks out for me. I should be the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the planet.” He repeated defensively though he was unable to look at his father’s light brown eyes.

 

Biting his lip, Han stepped back and looked about the room. “Son, I know you’ve been through a lot of crap while you were growing up with me in-and-out of the house, your mother being a Senator and your questionable grandfather and your mental- eh, _struggles_. I mean it’s more than what anyone should go through. We’ll always be sorry for that and we’re so grateful you’ve allowed us to be part of your life again, we really do.”

 

“What are you getting at dad?” Ben interrupted, knowing a babbling Han Solo usually didn’t mean anything good.

 

Han looked sadly at his son and Ben knew he was scared, scared of screwing things up, scared of pushing him away once again. “Kid, sometimes it’s better to be alone than having to change everything about yourself in order to please someone who claims to love you.”

 

_Fuck Han Solo and his brutal honesty. He  (and his mom) can fuck off to hell, no, they can both fuck off to the fiery pits of Mustafar!_

 

He stormed out of the Organa-Solo estate, driving back to his apartment at a questionable speed, fuming at what his father had implied.

_Ben Solo was not whipped!_

_Ben Solo was still proprietor of his own fucking balls!_

 

He spent the next hour in their apartment, locked in his office, thrashing everything in the room, throwing his laptop, his lamp, pretty much everything he could get his hands on. By the end, the room was unrecognizable and he was drenched in sweat. He had ripped out his tacky looking turtleneck sweater early on and was now only wearing this ugly-as-fuck checkered tweed pants.

He thought he would’ve calmed down after destroying the room (something he hadn’t done since he was 18), but he was still fuming.

 

The sun had gone down and he sat by a chair by the windows of their penthouse, looking over the city, a bottle of whisky in his hands. After taking several gulps, he felt the tension slightly ease away, although, the rage still stormed in his mind.

 

And he thought about the person he was living with.

_Bazine Netal._

 

She had come out of the blue one night, at a new club called StarKiller almost two years ago. He had been dragged there by Armie, Dopheld and Phasma as they wanted to celebrate Ben’s last day before he turned 30. They practically had to drag him there as the club was the last thing he wanted to do ( _really, what’s wrong with reading a fucking book instead?!_ ) but they did and they had a great time ( _after several shot of tequilas of course everything was better_ ).

 

As he was buying another round of shots, Bazine Netal appeared next to him like from thin air, in her short sequined golden dress, giggling drunkenly as she said hi and went into a “ _oh my god it’s your birthday!_ ” fit before she dragged her friends over and they had partied until the morning at Ben’s penthouse.

 

He couldn’t believe his luck that she, a pretty looking _sweet_ girl, showed an interest in him. Bazine who always looked fabulous, with her perfect make up, perfect hair and perfect outfit, showed an interest in socially awkward Ben Solo, with his plaid shirts, black jeans, glasses and long hair, an up-and-coming struggling writer who had published an increasingly popular sci-fi novel, _The Force_.

 

Ben expected for Bazine to disappear in the morning once she’d sobered up but she did not. Instead they stayed awake through the night and had gone outside on the terrace, talking. She’d listened intently, laughing at everything he said (even the non-funny stories) as the sun began to rise.

 

She was an interesting creature, Bazine. She had graduated from some fashion school and had opened this high-end clothing boutique in the Fashion District and was already a success. She lived and breathed for fashion and loved going out with her friends and shopping. Her name was already growing in popularity in social media and in fashion blogs! Bazine was aiming to be the next fashion queen.

 

And still, she liked him, _him_ , who knew nothing of fashion, blogging and avoided social media at all cost.

 

After his pre-birthday celebration, they began to go out until they were in an established relationship. Ben felt happy that finally he had found someone to share his days with, happy that someone liked him and he _liked_ everything about her. It was a bit startling, unexpected really (as he thought about it _afterwards_ ), that he’d found happiness with her. He blamed it on his biological clock. He was 30 for fuck sake, maybe his mind was pushing him to settle down and start a family, he didn’t really know ( _and didn’t really want to admit to that_ ).

 

Bazine was his fun girlfriend, she liked to take care of him, giving him advice on how to dress (usually coming home with outfits that would bring out his face, his hair, his chin), making him getting _trendy_ haircuts (“ _Having long hair makes you look like a  hermit hobo, honey_ ”) or making him experience new culture events (“ _Dinner in the dark is so cool, Ben, we have to try. I made reservations_ ”). He didn’t mind, heck, he appreciated it even if it did cut some time out of him writing the sequel to _The Force_ despite being on a deadline, as per his publisher’s contract (“ _You write too much Ben, come on, take a break, let’s have fun, oh, we’ll book a massage and they have this foot bath where they use live fishes to eat the dead skin off your feet_ ”).

 

He didn’t mind…

_Although_ …

 

Sometimes, he wished they could do something more interesting like, visit a museum (unless it was a fashion museum, Bazine _abhorred_ them) or just spending a Sunday visiting used bookstores, trying to find the rarer editions of books he liked or other hidden treasures (“ _Oh but honey, you know my dust allergies. I can’t show up at work on Monday with blotchy eyes and a runny nose_ ”). He usually was okay with postponing, he’d usually do those things when he was alone and she was off with her friends. But that also became less and less as she’d often expected him to tag along wherever she was going (“ _I need you by my side, Ben, I need my tree of a boyfriend in a perfect outfit to stand by me, we’ll be the next fashion power couple!_ ”). He obliged, although he hated dressing up for some club. While Baz and her friends occupied some VIP room (because being on the floor with normal people was “ _not the way Bazine Netal does things_ ”). He’d sit in the far back of the corner, alone, and being left alone, watching over the girl’s clutches while they ran off to the dance floor, drinking their girly drinks while he sipped at his whisky-on-rocks.

 

At StarKiller (Bazine’s favorite club at the time), B.B. Nino, a bouncer and old acquaintance of Ben, came over, had a beer or two, and kept him company during his break. While Ben was definitely not the most social person, he actually appreciated some sort of male company even if it was for a short amount of time. Nino even once took pity on him after seeing Ben there for a third Saturday in a row and sent him home, promising to look after Baz and the girls (Bazine, didn’t even notice he was gone until she got back to his apartment at 9 a.m. the following morning and found him sleeping in his bed).

 

Relationships were not without their ups and downs, Ben thought wisely at the time, and he knew that Bazine was only 24, successful, energetic and ambitious. Yeah, she was wild and living the life: partying, going to fashion shows, doing what young successful people do. He convinced himself that it was just a phase and that eventually Bazine would slow down and perhaps they could start talking and thinking about settling down, getting married, a house, _kids_....

 

Asking her to move in with him as they reached their first-year anniversary had unfortunately not given him the expectations he had hoped for. In the beginning, there had been a few weeks of bliss, having incredible sex everywhere, being cuddly and cute (God did he _love_ her then and was starting to think about what engagement ring to get, better said –he was eyeing grandmother Padme’s wedding ring).

 

But…

 

As the dust settled and things were starting to get back to normal, Bazine continued on her career and her partying but also started to politely imply that they needed to redecorate the apartment. Ben, who was a black and white, minimal type of guy, didn’t object, knowing that since it was now _their_ apartment, they should make it their own. At first, it started out with painting, then it went on to the furniture (“ _Come on Ben, you’re not a bachelor anymore, we need to have something other than two la-z-boys in the living room, we need a couch and a big one at that to entertain guests_ ”) and then it went to moving his beloved bookshelf (made by his own grand father) into the guest room that was now turned into his office (where the la-z-boys ended up and all decoration that Baz found unsuitable for the living area). It took him several months and a rare visit from Armie and Dopheld for him to notice how his apartment was now almost unrecognizable.

 

“Jeez Ben, does Bazine actually let you do or touch anything in this place?” Hux had joked as he sat on the pristine white leather couch (“ _White couches are such a statement, Ben_ ”). “I guess sitting on this thing completely nude is out of the question.”

 

“I do like your -ah, _reading_ material.” Dopheld had coughed politely as on the equally white shiny table with thick silver legs, lay a carefully picked “ _coffee table books_ ” about Chanel or some other fashion icon.

 

And it was those little things that made him notice that maybe their relationship was not as established or even balanced as he had hoped to be.

_Bullshit_ , he said then.

 

They were _fine_.

 

He heard keys rustling against the front door. After a few seconds, he heard the door open and Bazine entered, carrying several high-end stores bags. She’d gone on a shopping spree, _again_.

 

“I’ve had the most trying day.” Bazine huffed as she put the papers bags on the floor and took out her red needle thin stilettos. “First they made me wait for 15 minutes before I could get a mani-pedi and then they did not hold off a purple dress that I’ve been waiting for.” She groaned and took out a wine glass before pouring herself some white pear-ish liquid from the fridge.

“Such a drag.”

 

Ben sat quietly on his chair, able to follow her every move. She hadn’t even looked towards his direction yet.

 

“Oh, this wine is so good, honey.” She cooed as she sat down on the bar stool by the kitchen island. “We should definitely order some more.” She then let out a little gasp as she finally took notice of his present stature. “Ben.” She said horrified as she walked up to him, worried. “What the hell happened to you? Where’s your sweater?”

 

“I threw it away.” He answered dryly.

 

Bazine raised an eyebrow before she noticed the whisky bottle on his lap. She chuckled. “Well, someone’s on a roll. Give me a few chugs and we can start having some fun together.” She was about to reach the bottle but he pulled it away from her reach.

 

“I’d rather do that by myself, thanks.”   He said, looking at the skyline.

 

Unimpressed, Bazine took a step back, putting her hands on her hip, her perfect tailored nails rattling on her black skin-tight dress.

“Okay, what’s up with you then?” She said, her smile steelier than before. It was that forced smile he’d usually see whenever things were not going her way. _The smile that could kill_ , he’d told himself.

 

“Go look at my office then maybe you might know what’s up with me.” He said morosely.

 

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes and walked to his office. He heard her opening the door before she came back at a reasonable pace. Her eyes were wide, she was, _surprised_ , almost afraid (something Bazine Netal was _not_ ) but her expression was cool and in control.

 

“I went to see my parents today.” He started.

 

“Did they get you into a mood again?” Bazine sighed disapprovingly. “I told you not to go see them that often if you only get upset.”

 

“I am upset and yeah, we talked but it’s not because of that.” Ben looked at her for the first time and despite her coolness, her apprehension, he could still see the girl he fell for. “Bazine.” His voice was low and vulnerable. “Why are you with me?”

 

“ _Oh,_ is that what they were up to?” She asked angrily. “Talking shit behind my back. Them trying to make you turn on me. I should’ve expected that.”

 

“Why don’t you shut up for a minute Baz and answer my fucking question?” He asked his voice increasing.

 

“I love you honey.” She said, her voice now soft and calm, just the way he remembered whenever she was in a good generous mood. “I’m with you because I love you and we’re good together.”

 

“Then why does it feel like I’m revolving around you instead of us revolving around one another?” He asked a little broken. “When was the last time we did something I wanted? Got something I wanted? Ate where I wanted?” He looked up at her, his chest suddenly tightening.

 

Bazine sat down on the floor, folding her knees underneath her, absently drinking the rest of the wine. She sat there, biting her lip, staring at the wall.

 

“That’s what I thought.” He answered, feeling that tightness in his chest breaking apart. He took a large gulp of the brown alcohol.

 

“But honey, we do _do_ things together and you usually help me decide so it’s not just my stuff we end up doing.” She said defensively. Her eyes suddenly widened. “Remember when I made you wear those leather pants and that white top, you choose them _yourself_.”

 

“That’s because we were going to a party with a dress code, it was either that pair of black leather pants or some other leather pants.” He answered monotonously before he turned his head sharply towards her. “What the fuck was I meant to pick?”

 

“Well, it’s just clothes Ben.”

 

“Who re-decorated everything in my apartment, Baz?” Ben asked again.

 

“You just needed a girl’s touch, that’s all. And Really, this penthouse is a lot better than it was. Imagine the resell value it’ll get when you decide to sell it one day.”

 

“When we get a house in the country?” Ben sneered, knowing where this was going.

 

Bazine frowned before she took a deep breath. If he knew better, she shivered at the thought of moving out of the city. “What’s wrong with staying in the city? Then we’ll be close to everything!” She said carefully.

 

“Raising kids in the city?” Ben added, staring intently at her through his glassy eyes.

 

Paling, Bazine looked like a trapped animal, her eyes staring in all directions. “I… Ben…” She struggled to say. “I mean… I’m not opposed to kids… I mean… I guess I’d want some, _some day_ … when I’m in my late-thirties, old and wrinkly… But right now, I don’t want a kid to ruin this body or ruin my style.” Her head lifted and she glanced pointedly at Ben, as if standing her grounds.

 

For the first time in their relationship, Bazine did something she usually did to people she felt were underneath her, she looked at him sideways and gave him the _up-and-down_ look before lifting an eyebrow. Ben had seen it so many times, her and her girlfriends, making that look when they were at clubs, concerts or anywhere with other people around.

 

“This isn’t something for discussion Ben.” She said, resolute as she inspected her nails, grimacing as she noticed the lacquer had chipped on her thumbnail.

 

“What is?” Ben sighed as he leaned back on the couch, groaning. He didn’t want her to see how her dismissal had added another knife in his heart. Of course, they didn’t have to have kids right away but for her to just throw it away and not even taking his feelings into consideration…

_Had he been so fucking blind?_

 

Bazine let out a little chuckle as she shook her head. “Leia’s been putting ideas in your head, hasn’t she?” She said snidely. “She’s been waiting for grand-kids since you were 18 so of course she’s pushing you.”

 

“It has nothing to do with her…”

 

“Damn that woman, I’ve been nothing but nice to her, and that’s what she expects from me? Does she not know what I do as a living? I’m a fucking career woman, she of all people should know what that means.” Bazine sighed. “I’ve been so nice to her. I gave her the VIP treatment at my store, she got her own champagne bottle and her own assistant.”

 

Ben sighed. “While she was overly happy with the champagne, she couldn’t really help you out and buy anything because you didn’t have anything in her size…”

 

“Well, damn it Ben, it’s not my fucking fault if your mom’s _overweight_!” She replied, insulted, lifting her hands in the air.

 

Ben chuckled coldly. “Have you seen my mother? She’s a _size 8_!”

 

“For fuck sakes, so sue me if I only carry up to _size 6_!” She rolled her eyes before her head turned sharply and a smile formed. “Maybe I should make a plus size area at the back of the store.” She said suddenly excited as a new business idea was taking form. “I mean, they keep talking about real women with real curves and all that shit, I can go with that. I can hire new chubby assistants and my sales will double and I’ll be all about the _love your body no matter what_ -crap.” She clapped her hands together in delight. “I mean, we’ll carry up to size 10 because really, anything over that is just fucking gross…”

 

They really do mean it that loves is blind… Ben thought as he tuned Bazine’s nasal voice out of his mind and began to realize how fucking superficial this girl was.

_Bullshit_.

_Their relationship had been utter bullshit._

 

What a fool he had been.

 

And just like that, a spell had been broken.

 

“Ben!” He finally heard her voice call him back. “Ben! What do you think?” She looked annoyed that he wasn’t following her business plan.

 

“Baz, you’re some piece of work, you know that?” Ben finally answered in a low voice, his dark eyes locked onto hers.

 

“Of course, I am.” She implied, grinning her teeth like a white shark. She gulped down the remains of her glass. “This body hasn’t gotten here by itself. My career hasn’t gotten here by itself. I made everything happen, _Benny boy_ , _I_ did it.” Ben was quite aware she was warning him. Not even the sweetest smiles or the softest words could hide her true intents, not anymore.

 

“Yes, you have.” He said, his eyes never diverting from hers. “And God knows you deserve all the best. Now grab your shit and get the fuck out of _my_ apartment.”

 

“ _Excuse me_?” Bazine stood up, towering over Ben, undignified to be addressed in such a way.

 

Ben looked up at her, completely indifferent, unaffected by her sudden rage. “You heard me.” He pointed towards their bedroom. “Get your shit and get the fuck out of my apartment. We’re done, Bazine.”

 

“You can’t be serious, Ben.” She said, scowling. “You’re willing to- to throw away two years just because your parents don’t like me?”

 

“No Baz, frankly, I should be liking you more just to piss my parents off but… Really, Bazine, I am done being your little pet.” He said. “You’ve been treating me like complete shit and I've been completely oblivious about it because I loved you but now, it’s just over. I can’t change who I am, Baz, and I can’t change into something that’ll make you happy, that’s just not fucking fair.”

 

“Come on Ben. Think about what you were when you met me, some broody hermit loner writer who couldn’t match an outfit if it killed him and having hobo-hair. You were nothing without me, Ben. I came and saved you.” Bazine said fervently. “Look at you now, look at your apartment, your social life, you’re going to be the greatest writer some day and when they’ll finally make your books into movies, you’ll be there, looking ravishing, with the one person that stood by your side all along.” Her voice went soft as she looked into Ben’s eyes, tears forming on one corner.

 

“You know for a moment there I swore I could believe every word that was coming out of your mouth.” Ben replied, his voice choking on the unwanted reaction.

 

“And you’re willing to throw that out?” She asked, tears forming in her eyes. She reached out and placed her hands on his face, gently rubbing his cheeks. “Are you willing to forget this ever happened?”

 

Their breaths were short as they glanced at one another. “I have to, Baz.” He said sadly, looking away. “I don’t resent you yet but eventually, I will.”

 

Bazine listened intently to his words, deep in thought, before she nodded her head and pulled her hands away. All softness in her eyes, in her face disappeared instantly. “So, you’re dumping _me_?”

 

“Indeed I am.”

 

A curl formed on her perfect painted lips as her steely blue eyes locked onto his. “Fuck you Ben Solo. Fuck you and your self-righteousness. You really think you’re going to find someone else like me who’s going to put up with your emo-loner freak thing?” She stood up and smoothed her dress, tightening her ponytail. “Guess again, Ben. Don’t come crawling back to me when you realize that without me, you’re going to be alone for the rest of your pathetic life.”

 

Without looking back, Bazine walked over the front door, grabbing her purse before putting on her needle-thin stilettos.

 

“Remember that I was the only good thing in your life, Ben Solo.” He heard her spit maliciously. “I heard Poe Dameron’s on the market again, finally decided to stop playing house with that _nobody_. Maybe I should try to put my claws on him, get a _real_ man instead.” She said over her shoulder before she left their apartment and loudly closed the door.

 

_Bullshit._

_It had all been bullshit._

00000000000000

**And it hurts with every heartbeat**

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Dancing on my own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey Jackson and Ben Solo are convinced they have the perfect relationship; Rey with Poe Dameron and Ben with Bazine Netal. Although they're trying to make their relationships work, things are not as they appear to be. The truth is revealed and their "perfect" relationships quickly fall apart. They must go through heartbreak before they can eventually go on with their lives... How can they survive a horrible break-up? How can they eventually heal? How can fate bring two brokenhearted people together?
> 
> Chapter 2 - The art of going through a break up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the interest in the fic!  
> I'm ever grateful to each and everyone that's taking the time to read this!
> 
> This is my very first fic in this fandom.  
> I totally got inspired by Selunchen's lovely artwork and several of Robyn's songs.  
> I really hope you will enjoy his!  
> A big thank you to:  
> \- The Writing Den for giving me the push/support I needed to start writing (and publish!) a Reylo fic and create a moodboard.  
> \- [Deadlikemoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlikemoi/pseuds/deadlikemoi) for betaing  
> \- [Selunchen](https://selunchen.tumblr.com/post/182085890112/selunchen-so-far-away-but-still-so-near-the) for the inspiration!  
> \- Audrey4ever for adding a touch to my first made moodboard (Hey, I now have a moodboard for my fic!). 
> 
> Mild Trigger warning: violence, misogynistic comment, solving your problems with alcohol, swearing.

 

000000

**Post break-up**

**4 weeks later**

000000

_But you never were, and you never will be mine_

_No, you never were, and you never will be mine_

 

The words repeated on Rey’s noise-reduction headset (a Christmas gift from her friends) three to six times a day. Yeah, there were so many current songs about heartbreak but for some reason, she’d been revolving over this Swedish Pop artist’s songs (along with _Unbreak my heart_ ) and they kept playing on a loop (with a bit of death metal in the mix when the anger took over).

 

Four weeks had gone by and Rey Jackson was still in the throes of a heartbreak.

 

The first days had been a complete blur. She remembered crying constantly, lying on her bed in complete shock as she tried to come to terms with what she had just seen, what that bastard had said, what he had done. She remembered Finn, Rose, Paige and Jessika, each taking their turn to check up on her, even spending the night in bed with her for comfort.

 

They had been so concerned that she’d fall completely apart that they’d made sure to follow her to school, not wanting this breakup to ruin her education. They’d made sure she’d eat properly (not that she was hungry) and even ordered her to take a shower when necessary. Not bothering to contradict them (as she would have done under normal circumstances), Rey simply obliged, they probably knew what was best for her at the time.

 

For all their help and care, Rey still felt like a wreck. Her eyes were permanently swollen from the constant crying, her clothes looser and her ( _very_ _cheap_ ) bed mattress was starting to take the shape of her body due to spending most of her time there, laying under the covers, waiting for… _nothing._

 

She didn’t really know how she managed without them and somehow, after four weeks, she was still going to school, able to concentrate long enough to get through her exams. One of the professors Rey had had a better chemistry with, Professor Holdo, had shown some concern when Rey was sitting during an exam, staring into the void for too long, way past the half mark of their allotted time before she started writing down something. When revealing the nature of her _aloofness_ , the professor simply warned the other professors in the department that Rey was currently “dealing” with _personal issues_.

 

Even at the coffee shop, Maz, well aware of Rey’s present circumstances ( _thank you_ Finn and Rose) had given Rey a lot of slack lately, making her come in later and leave earlier than her actual shifts (but still getting fully paid), making her do menial tasks _after_ Rey’d broken several coffee mugs and _accidentally_  burned her hand on the steam wand from the espresso machine.

 

Whenever she was home, Rey would spend most of the time in bed, listening to music, trying to figure out, trying to make sense to the _whys_ and the _what’s_.

 

And she cried.

 

Damn did she cry.

 

Over a _boy_.

 

This whole _crying_ _thing_ was something new and unexpected for Rey Jackson.

 

She didn’t cry when she finally came to terms with the fact that she was probably never going to get adopted.

 

She didn’t cry when the foster parents she’d been living with for three years decided to get rid of her once they got pregnant.

 

She didn’t cry when, at 16, she knew she would have to live with Unkar Plutt until she was 18.

 

She didn’t cry when she left Jakku for good.

 

And here she was, bawling her eyes out, over some stupid awful _break-up_ , over a _fucking_ _stupid boy_ , that had rendered her into something close to Moaning Myrtle.

 

 _How could she have been so stupid!_ How could _she_ , Rey Jackson, _professional builder of emotional walls_ , have fallen for a boy that turned out to be the worst mistake in her life?

 

She cried because there was something wrong with her and that would’ve made him go off and sleep with someone else.

 

She cried because she thought she’d never get that feeling again, that feeling of belonging, and that she’d probably go on living her life alone, _completely_ , _utterly_ _alone_.

 

But then the tears transformed into anger, anger towards herself, anger for being so fucking gullible, anger for falling for the first man that had showered her with attention, anger that despite _everything_ , she still _missed_ him.

She missed his craziness, she missed his presence, she missed his fucking goofy smile when he tried to cheer her up.

 

At one point, she decided to go on a stroll during the middle of the day and walked over to the coffee shop Poe owned (which he also used as his main office) not too far from The Resistance, knowing he would usually be there during that time of the day. She didn’t really know what was her intentions were. Did she want to talk to him? Listen to whatever he had to say?

 

It’s not like he hadn’t tried.

 

The day after _the incident_ , there’d been over 20 missed calls on her cell phone (all from him) before Rey decided to switch it off, not wanting to bother with his bullshit. She knew he had come over a few times when she was in the midst of her cry-fest. Though Finn or Rose never admitted that Poe had actually shown up at her apartment, there had been several times where they’d disappear from Rey’s room only to return, looking pissed off. At one point, she’d seen beautiful roses in the trash can but didn’t want to bother to know its origins.

 

And there she was then, on the other side of the street, looking at the coffee shop. Why would she want to talk to him, she asked herself, as a lump in her throat started to form. What good could come of this?

_You’re not thinking of taking him back, are you_? A voice asked her in exasperation. _You’re not really going to bother hearing him out, are you? The guy that slept with someone else? That cheated on you?_

 

She wished she’d brought Rose or Paige along, only for one of them to knock some sense into her and physically stop her from making a colossal mistake.

 

Fate brought her a different surprise as the door to the coffee shop suddenly opened and out came Poe, grinning as always. Right behind him, holding his hand, was that girl, _Phasma_. She was so pretty, Rey thought as her chest tightened, so _perfect_. Her make-up, her clothes, her hair. The blonde goddess walked gracefully in her pretty white dress and Rey felt her heart stop when she noticed a specific item around Phasma’s neck. It was one of Rey’s old scarves, the yellow one with tiny white flowers, the one Poe had given Rey (that she’d _forgotten_ at Poe’s).

_Well, shit…_

 

\---

_Fuck boys_ , she swore as she stomped her way home. _Fuck the entire male population of this planet!_

 

She got back to her apartment, an immense rage taking over her. A rage that would not subside. Rey simply wanted to destroy everything that belonged to Poe (at one point, Finn and Rose had to stop her from going to The Resistance).

 

Unable to carry out her plan, Rey had gone on a rampage, cutting Poe’s forgotten clothes into pieces, used one of her good hammers to smash a forgotten Apple Watch and FitBit (yeah okay he wasn’t _using_ it but damn did it feel good to see the items break into tiny pieces). She felt satisfaction at the destruction before her (now she knew how Beyonce must have felt when she was swigging that bat on the car) but upon completion, she fell apart once more, the Moaning Myrtle in her doing an encore for the nth time.

 

When Rose, Paige and Jessika suggested they hit StarKiller on a Friday night when Rey thought becoming one with her bed seemed like the best way to spend the weekend and she didn’t protest.  She let herself be ordered around by her friends and let them physically drag her out of the bed before showering and putting on this outfit they said would look “ _sexy_ ” on her.

 

Finn, Rose, Paige and Jessika had been her lifesavers these last few weeks, they’d been so kind to her. They listened quietly whenever she felt like talking trash about Poe, they never changed the subject or tried to distract her, they were just _there_. They spoiled her extra, getting her favorite food, coffee drink or wine. _Thank god for them_ , Rey thought briefly as she was taking her shower before the tears formed in her eyes again as she remembered why she was in this situation.

 

When she came back into the bedroom, freshly showered but her eyes still swollen from the ever-present tears, Rose gently offered her a shot of some clear spirit and cooed words of encouragement, saying that Poe didn’t know what he’d lost by doing what he did, that she’ll do better, _someday_ , _somehow_. Just as a small lump on her throat formed, Rey began to sob and Paige, Jessika and Rose quickly came over, ushering her to take a few more gulps.

 

And that she did.

 

The sobbing stopped and after Jessika applied some light make-up on Rey, after she had put on her _sexy_ outfit which consisted of a short black skirt, a tan coloured off-the-shoulder sweater with an orange chunky beaded necklace.

 

As the clear spirit (vodka she believed) worked through her body, Rey suddenly felt her mood brightening. They were going to StarKiller, they should have a _good fucking_ _time_.

 

Rey had heard of StarKiller but had never been there. It was The Resistance’s rival, sharing the number one club spot in Takodana. Clubgoers were either loyal to StarKiller or The Resistance, _never_ both (or so Poe had told her). Although she’d heard that it was a “ _rougher_ ” crowd than The Resistance, Rey gasped in awe as the disco balls, laser beams and dark red lights made the entire club look like some galactic space club. It had a darker feel than The Resistance, with its dark glossy counters, dark glossy tables and dark red walls but it had its charm. Rey liked this change to the usual earthy feel of The Resistance. It was an underground club (it used to be an underground parking lot), had this earthy smell and you could actually touch the stone wall.

_Suck on this Poe Dameron_ , Rey thought maliciously to herself as she intended to spend as much money as possible to endorse StarKiller.

 

Right now, she wanted Poe Dameron to suffer as much as she was, even though (if she were honest with herself) he was probably having the best time and the best sex with this Phasma (yeah, she learned about _her_ , this female Preying Mantis of a model that had pretty much “ _fucked everything that crossed her path_ ” or so were Rose’s words).

 

“God, I hope he gets gonorrhea.” She yelled loudly as she gulped down another shot of vodka (she had hidden the bottle in her purse before getting into the Uber to StarKiller).

 

Her comment earned a few heads from other clubgoers to turn towards her direction.

 

Rose shushed her and frowned. “Oh, we are definitely not talking about him tonight, ReyRey.” She corrected as she walked arm in arm with Rey, grinning as they tried to find an available table.

 

Finn finally appeared in Rey’s vision and she smiled gingerly at the sight of her friend. “Finn!” She yelled at the top of her lungs.

 

“Rey.” He waved at her from a table.

 

Rose darted towards him and planted a kiss on his cheek. “This place is amazing.”

 

“I know. It’s been a while since I’ve been here and it still looks just as sleek and dark.” He said as he helped Rey onto a high chair. He frowned as he stared at his best friend. “You okay, Peanut, you look wasted already.” His dark eyes in concern.

 

Rey giggled and proudly took out the bottle of vodka from her clutch before sneaking it over to Rose and the girls who eagerly took a swig. “They were _tired_ of my _moping_ so they made me come _here_. I was crying non-stop so they had to give me _this_.” She tilted slightly on her chair, her balance taking a hit as she eagerly pointed to the bottle. “I’ve been crying for so many days now.” She stopped and felt the lump on her throat started to grow as the despair took her again. “I mean, it’s been like four weeks now and the only thing I’ve been doing is crying my heart out because of that ass-” Her voice started to go into a hiccup as she felt the tears form in her eyes.

 

Jessika and Rose eagerly handed her back the bottle, urging her to take a good swig, their plan of _Rey getting her groove back_ suddenly backfiring.

 

“Girls.” Finn said sternly, looking at her in concern. “She’s gonna get sick.”

 

Jessika and Rose giggled. “Finn, dear, she deserves to unwind at bit.”

 

“Not if she gets alcohol poisoning.” Finn muttered angrily as he took away the bottle from Rey before she could take a gulp. With her reddened glossy eyes and she grinned and hugged Finn.

 

“Thanks for looking out for me, Finn. Really without the four of you, I don’t know how I could’ve done it. You really are my friends. You are the only family I’ll ever need.” Rey cooed sweetly.

 

The four friends glanced at one another and then they went on to chat about how they were just that, _great friends_.

 

Drinking the glass of water that Finn had put in front of her, Rey felt her mind clear slightly.

 

As she quietly sipped, Rey Jackson felt an uneasy knot in her stomach.

 

The boy she thought she loved had cheated on her and now…

 

She was alone.

_Alone_.

 

Not good enough to be loved, not good enough to keep the ones who claimed to loved her, no, they’d seen something in her, something that made her unable to have someone in her life.

 

She thought she’d found someone to share her life with (even if she was 23), Rey thought she’d found a family ( _his family of friends_ that easily took their distance as soon as they broke up, claiming to be _too_ _busy_ ).

 

Taking a deep breath and suddenly longing for the stale mattress that waited in her bedroom, Rey tried once more to pay attention to the present conversation and nodded her head in pretended comprehension as Finn was talking about some sappy break-up that had happened to him when he was 16 and how he had gained 10 pounds two months after.

 

Not wanting to dwell in other people’s sappy stories, Rey jumped out of her chair and went to the dance floor, hoping the music might distract her a bit. She waved her arms in the air following the song’s beat.

 

A song started to play, a song that she recognized oh-so-well, she’d been listening to it constantly.

_I'm in the corner_  
_Watching you kiss her_  
_Oh oh oh_  
_I'm right over here_  
_Why can't you see me?_  
_Oh oh oh_  
_I'm giving it my all_  
_But I'm not the girl you're taking home_  
_Ooh ooh ooh  
_ _I keep dancing on my own_

 

 

And her heart fell, the hurt, the pain, the fresh scar being ripped open again.

 

She cried the words, knowing it was a song that could be about a break-up or about being alone, she couldn’t care less, it _hurt_. And she was about to get hurt some more.

 

Because, just as the song finished and she thought her heart could not break any more, she saw Poe Dameron and this Blonde Amazon known as Gwen Phasma, glued together, not a few feet away from her, dancing on the very same dance floor.

 

 

000000000000

_In the night, call you up and_  
_Wanna know when you're coming home_  
_Don't deny me, call me back  
_ _I'm so alone_

000000000000

 

 

“Oh my god, I’m never going to find another girl like her!” Ben Solo lamented as he leaned forward, his forehead hitting the table with a loud dunk. “I’m going to die alone.”

 

Armitage Hux looked around, hoping none of the ladies would take notice of a heartbroken man wallowing in self pity before he glanced at Dopheld who shrugged uneasy.

 

Luckily StarKiller was quite busy for a Friday so any lamenting 31-year-old that was going through an existential crisis because of a nasty break-up was most likely to remain unseen. Ben Solo’s non-existent reputation would remain unscathed, well, if you ignored the window _incident_ , Armie thought, _hopefully_.

 

“Pull yourself together man.” Armie commented as he looked disgusted at his _friend_ (they would never admit to anyone that they were _friends_ but the truth was that they had been _best friends_ since they were kids as no one else tolerated their eccentric personalities in high school except each other, _and_ Dopheld, who had remained loyal to both… For unknown reasons).  “You’re almost fucking 32, Ben, not a zit-covered teen anymore.” He patted his _friend_ hard on the back. “So, a girl broke up with you, poor you. But that _bitch_.” Dopheld looked at him with wide eyes. “Ok.” He rolled his eyes... “That _girl_ was not good for you… You know that!”

 

Ben Solo was aware of that actually. Which made everything in his pathetic life even more tragic.

 

It had been four weeks now since their break-up and Bazine, true to herself, ghosted him.

 

Ben had expected to feel liberated after she’d left, expected to feel like a man born again from the ashes of a man-eater but instead he felt empty and restless. Tossing and turning, awake in the middle of the night, he’d repeatedly stare at the empty space in his bed. Although Bazine was never the cuddler and usually slept on her side of the bed, he’d usually reach out to her at night, his fingers trailing her back or her arm, content that she was physically _there_.

 

When sleep did not come, he’d finally give up and get out of the bed, opting to go for a run across the neighbourhood in the middle of the night. When his legs would not carry him any longer, he went to the 24-hr gym not to far from his apartment and pushed way too hard.

 

The few people who were ( _unfortunately_ ) training at the same time immediately took their distances from him, terrified by his loud pants and guttural grunts (it came to a point where the manager had severely advised him to _tone it down_ since he was scaring off the other gym members). He’d usually return home when the skies were getting lighter but even after a shower, he remained awake.

 

Like a caged animal, he walked around his apartment, not knowing what to do with his mind, with his body, with himself. He felt angry, he felt sad, he felt _vulnerable_ and he did not like it at all.

 

He was alone now, no one to look after him, no one to order him around, no one to love him.

_Fuck_.

 

He screwed up.

 

He ruined the only opportunity to have _someone_ in his life and now he would probably die _alone_.

 

It was at that moment that he became weak. He simply couldn’t contain the distress any longer, he felt a panic attack threatening to burst (something he hadn’t had since he was a teen) and the thought of being alone for the rest of his life made him want Bazine Netal back. He couldn’t understand why, he just _did_ , she was the only thing that could make things right again.

 

“Have my _fucking_ balls Bazine, I don’t need them.” He’d hurled desperately into his phone, leaving a voicemail as she didn’t answer his phone call. “I can get my haircut like you want, fuck Baz, you can take my fucking manhood if it makes you come back. _Fuck_! I love you, Bazine. _Answer me damn it!_ ” He left 20-30 similar messages, apologizing, repeating his love for her and how he promised to change if it would make her happy.

 

She never answered back.

 

And it enraged him.

 

At one point, when he was getting no answer from her and he knew he was really losing his mind, Ben decided to show up at Bazine’s store. She couldn’t ignore him there.

 

Looking utterly haggard after being awake for 48 hours, Ben stood in front of Bazine’s shop, getting soaked in the rain.

 

He could barely see through the window and none of the figures that passed looked like her but he knew she was there, probably scheming some new marketing plan.

 

It all came down to this. He was going to talk to her and she would listen to him, once and for all.

 

He called her out.

 

The few people that walked on the sidewalk looked at him strangely but promptly continued their own way.

 

From the store, nothing exceptional happened except for a few of the sales assistant that peeked through the window. Recognizing him instantly, they quirked their symmetrical eyebrows and disappeared, none bothering to return.

 

And then everything went quiet again.

 

Ben yelled her name again, louder.

 

He could’ve gone into the store, he could have _physically_ _walked_ _into the store_ and _asked_ for her but he couldn’t bring himself to do that. No, she had to _come_ to him, for once.

 

But she never did.

 

He was angry now, angry that she was refusing to have anything to do with him. Angry that, as usual, he would have to be the one to cave first, like he had always done in their relationship. And all his dreams and hopes that _this_ would’ve ended up in some sort of happy ending went down to hell.

 

He yelled her name once again, adding a few superlatives that would make most blush.

 

“Get your fucking ass outside, Bazine.” He shouted desperately. “I want to get back together with you… Come on…” He panted. “You’re the only one that matters to me Baz, I fucking love you now get your ass outside so we can talk.”

 

The more he talked, the more he realized what a pathetic joke he was but he’d gladly forget about that if she’d only show her face.

 

But she didn’t and his blood was boiling by the time he grabbed a loose brick and without a second thought, threw the brick against the front window. The impact was violent enough for the entire window to fall into millions of pieces.

 

Feeling his chest heaving for air, Ben watched indifferently as the sales assistants and customers that had been near the window shrieked in the wake of the cacophony of breaking glass.

 

People on the streets that had seen Ben ran over and looked at him in terror.

 

Ben couldn’t care less. He only wanted to get Bazine’s attention.

 

Hearing the police sirens, the murmur of the surrounding crowd and the shrieks from the sales assistants, Ben stood there, watching as Bazine emerged from the back of the store, her perfectly shaped eyebrows lifting as she noticed what had just happened. Taking careful steps, she looked at the mess until she finally looked at him.

 

Their eyes locked for a moment and Bazine studied him, tilting her head slightly to the side until she let out a cold smirk and turned around, uttering some command to her minions before she disappeared from view.

 

She never called.

 

After spending a few hours at the police station and only getting a large fine for public disorderly conduct (Bazine didn’t press charges), Ben returned home, a completely broken man.

 

Nothing had gone his way and Bazine was bent on making him pay for her dismissal.

 

He lay there that night, awake, feeling the restlessness in his body and his mind taking over. The brick in the window did nothing to quell his fears.

 

The morning after, his phone rang.

 

He sat up straight on the bed, lunging to his phone, his heart beating with trepidation. _This was it!_ _Finally, she’d heard him! Bazine was finally going to talk to him._

 

He didn’t care that it was an unknown phone number, he just knew it was _her_.

 

“Hel---Hello?” He stammered.

 

“Yeah…” An unknown voice started. “Bazine wants her stuff back. She’s hired movers, they’re coming today at 2 p.m.” Then the line went dead.

 

The movers arrived on schedule but the apartment was completely trashed, every single item that Bazine had owned, in ruins.

 

And Ben lay on the floor, amongst the broken glass, the broken furniture, the feathers and other detritus that had succumbed to his hands. He went on a bender, god knows for how long until a worried Armie and Dopheld showed up at his door and brought him back to Armie’s apartment, saving him from a most probable death. While they hired cleaners to make the apartment liveable again, they kept an eye on him, making certain Ben’s body survived the temporary abuse (Thank you Dopheld for supplying the sutures, bandages, I.V.s and Banana Bags).

 

While he recuperated, he didn’t bother to say anything to his two friends and they just let him be, hanging out with him, watching movies, playing video games. Dopheld, in his health professional voice, warned him about the consequences of alcoholism in details (even going as far as showing him pictures of diseased livers) only for Hux to call him a _worrywart_ and snuck in beers whenever Dopheld went to work.

 

Now that his apartment was back to its classic white and black style ( _sans_ white leather couch and fashion bibles) and Ben had moved back in, Armie and Dopheld had insisted on celebrating the return of the Original _unwhipped_ Ben Solo and convinced him to go out, despite him being definitely not in the mood for it.

 

At first, they had gone to an Irish pub and Ben’s mood plummeted (seeing people singing old Irish tunes was definitely _not_ the way to _brighten_ his day). Then they started taking shots (liver _be damned_ ) before Dopheld and Armitage, who were both on a bigger buzz, decided they wanted to go to StarKiller.

 

“You know this is where I met her, don’t you?” Ben sighed as he lifted his head and took a large sip of his beer. “Right over there.” He pointed to some corner in the club. He noticed that the alcohol had killed his buzz and that he was being mopey now. God, he couldn’t _help_ it.

 

Ben had been afraid of being banned from StarKiller (or from any other club or bar or restaurant or _anywhere else_ in Takodana) after his unfortunate meltdown at Bazine’s store. His _outburst_ had been spread across Takodana’s club scene and in social media through Bazine’s official tweets (although it had gone quiet after several days or so Mitaka had informed Ben). He thought he’d seen people avoid him on more occasions than he expected or look dead scared if they were unfortunate enough to stumble upon him.

 

 _I’m a monster_ , he sighed then.

 

Ben agreed it wasn’t the _best expression_ of his _frustrations_ towards Bazine but he was convinced he was going to pay for it in the long run.

 

He didn’t expect to be allowed in StarKiller as Bazine often went there but BB Nino, who was the bouncer that night, greeted him with open arms, reassuring him that he’d always be welcome.

 

That didn’t mean that people didn’t eye him strangely, avoiding his gaze, whispering behind his back but luckily that evening, he was a bit buzzed and he couldn’t give a single fuck about what they’d think. He knew he fucked up and the only thing he could do is try to crawl his way back up again.

 

Besides, this was only the recent headlines in Takodana’s club scene. The buzz would die as soon as something more exciting would happen and you could always count on notorious mafia boss Jabbalino’s club, _The Hutt_ , making headlines again as there was always some sort of gang _misunderstanding_ going on there (and assuredly enough, there was some sort of gang fight several days after Ben’s appearance at StarKiller).

 

“Please, Solo, let’s talk about something else!” Hux yelled as the music increased in its intensity. “We can talk about anything else other than her and your doomed relationship!”

 

Dopheld, who was sipping quietly on a Mojito, looked at both men. “Apparently Poe Dameron is single again!” He said, sending a questioning look at both of them when they glared at him, uninterested.

 

Always count on Mitaka for being the _gossip girl_!

 

While they were not friends with Poe Dameron, they were somewhat of an _acquaintance_ of his. He’d gone to the same school as them (although in different grades as Poe was younger than them) but they couldn’t say that they were _great_ friends. StarKiller and The Resistance were two rival clubs, each having their faithful followers. While Ben, Armie and Dopheld were faithful to StarKiller, they did, at rare times, wander to The Resistance on the promise of free booze from Poe.

 

“ _What_?” Dopheld shrugged innocently. “At least we’re talking about something else.”

 

“Don’t tell me Baz got her claws on him!” Ben paled before he told them of her intentions.

 

“What? No!” Dopheld said quickly, waving his hands eagerly. “Apparently this girl he’d been dating for a year, this _nobody_ from what I’ve heard, found him in cahoots with our own Phas in _his_ bed!”

 

Hux leaned over and let out a gasp. “ _She did not_!” He said in disbelief before he let out a whistle. “Wow.”

 

“Apparently he’s _in love_ with her.” Dopheld said rolling his eyes.

 

Ben chuckled before it turned into a full-blown laugh. “He’s so fucked.” He was well-aware of Gwen’s reputation, definite man-eater while doing the catwalk at whatever fashion show.

 

“I sent Phasma a text and she might show up tonight.” Dopheld replied as he looked about the club, not seeing their blonde friend around.

 

“She wouldn’t show up here, Poe’s the bloody owner of The Resistance. He wouldn’t dare show his ass at StarKiller.” Hux sniffed.

 

“Never underestimate what guys will do just to get some pussy.” Ben chuckled dryly as he took a gulp from his beer.

 

Armitage and Dopheld shared a look.

 

“Well…” Hux started awkwardly.

 

“No need to say anything.” Ben reassured them indifferently, taking a sip of his beer. “I found that out the hard way. It’s pretty shitty of Poe to do something like that though.” He glanced at Dopheld who shrugged uninterestedly. “Were they dating long? Poe and that _girl_?”

 

“About a year or so.” Dopheld informed.

 

Ben shook his head and despite not knowing or caring who Poe’s ex was, he did feel some sympathy for the injured party. While he might not have the best experience with the opposite sex, at least he had _some_ morals. “He’s a nasty motherfucker.” He muttered under his breath, his temper getting the better of him.

 

“Oh, there they are!” Hux suddenly said, pointing to a tall blonde on the dance floor.

 

Tilting his head and searching through the crowd, Ben saw Poe and Phasma all over one another, pretty much consummating their relationship right there on the dance floor at the sound of some Swedish pop artist Ben thought he’d recognize.

 

 “Oh my god!” Dopheld exclaimed as he eagerly poked Hux and Ben’s shoulders. “The _girl’s_ here!”

 

Ben turned his head sharply. “ _What_ _girl_?”

 

“Poe’s ex, that _nobody_ , she’s _here_ and she’s _seen_ Poe and Phas.” Dopheld was eagerly jumping up and down, so happy to be able to witness the drama unfold.

 

Ben squinted his eyes and surely enough, this tall slender girl with chestnut hair was standing a few feet away from Poe and Phasma.

 

“Oh, how delightful.” Hux cheered, hiding his face behind his glass, unable to conceal his evil grin.

 

Somehow people got wind of the situation and it took less than a minute before they had fallen back and formed a circle around the three.

 

The girl was standing there, her breaths growing shorter as her hands were clenched in fists. The initial shock had disappeared from her stricken face and Ben could see the rage and the grief forming in her hazel brown eyes. Poe grew nervous (something he rarely was), even Phasma was looking at Rey and then at Poe, uncertain of what to do.

 

“ _Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn_.” Hux sang somberly despite the shitty grin on his face.

 

They were standing far away enough so that Ben could not hear what she was saying but Ben could see that the girl was containing her rage as she was spewing something nasty at Poe. Poe, who chuckled nervously, unhooked himself from Phasma and took a step forward, his arms in the air, as though pleading with this girl, _Rey_ , he thought he’d heard her name was from the other hushed voices around him.

 

Rey’s eyes were filling with tears as she continued to talk, pointing a finger towards him and Phasma. Some of the girls nearer to the trio let out an “ _ooooh_ ” and cheered Rey on. Poe was now looking rather pitiful, his cheeks reddened as he probably tried to apologize for what he’d done but Rey put her palms out in front of him and shook her head.

 

Ben watched as Poe tried to grab Rey’s arm but she stepped back at the last second. She turned away from him before thinking better of it and let out a groan as she connected her fist with his cheek, sending him to the floor. Swearing loudly as she waved her aching hand in the air, Rey gritted her teeth together and towered over Poe, uttering something in finality before she turned around again while the crowd went wild with cheers and hoots.

 

“This is _great_!” Beamed Dopheld as his phone was pointed towards Poe, having filmed the entire thing.

 

“The girl has a great hook.” Armie commented happily before he turned to Ben. “I think StarKiller will temporarily take the throne as Takodana’s most popular club after this.”

 

While he usually detested any type of drama concerning people he didn’t know or care about (which was why he detested reality tv), there was something about this girl that had intrigued Ben. He knew absolutely nothing about her except that she was referred to as a _nobody_ (something she certainly was not, not to _him_ at least).

 

He’d seen how fierce she was when confronted with the man who had done something completely despicable. She hadn’t broken down like a complete idiot, lamenting that she would die a lonely death (unlike _someone else_ ) with no one to love her. No, she had stood her ground and gotten some much needed payback and relief with that punch.

 

Ben _admired_ her.

 

He saw her go towards the exit while the crowd still cheered the feisty girl. He started to walk towards her direction, curious, wanting to take a closer look.

 

Poe, in the meantime, had managed to get up, ignoring his bloody and swollen cheek, and made for Rey, calling after her. He was getting closer since she was being slowed down by the other clubbers and just as he was within reach, Ben managed to intercept him, a menacing scowl on his _former_ acquaintance.

 

“ _Ben Solo_?” Poe, said confused, panting, looking over his shoulder as Rey had stopped to observe.

 

“Let her go, Dameron.” Ben ordered, as he folded his arms around his chest and shot him a warning look.

 

“Stay out of this, _Solo_ , it has nothing to do with you.” Poe retorted as he called for Rey and tried to move past Ben but he stopped him, grabbing his arm and shoving him back with ease.

 

“I know it has nothing to do with me but she’s done with you, you miserable piece of _shit_. Now you let her go and get the fuck out of StarKiller.” He muttered dangerously before shoving him again (raising more “ _ooohs_ ” from the people nearby). “Am I making myself clear?”

 

Poe, who knew better than to fight Ben, eyed him warily, his fists beginning to clench but he was pulled away by Phasma who was utterly unimpressed by what had just happened and decided to end things on her own. “Let’s get the fuck out of here and you there, _move_.” Phasma muttered angrily as she shoved some guy who was taking a picture of them. She violently tugged on Poe’s sleeve and they stormed off.

 

Ben turned around and saw Rey staring into the void, as she finally realized what had happened. Her make-up was smudged by the tears that were now falling freely. Her head turned slightly and her light brown eyes locked with his dark ones for what was no more than a few seconds but could’ve easily been years. The sounds from the club and the people around them faded, Ben could only hear his heart beating loudly. Her eyes, her expression was thanking him for what he had done, as small gesture as it was, and he wanted to tell her, this _nobody_ , that she was certainly not _no one_. He knew where she had been, maybe not in the same manner but still, he knew heartbreak all too well.

_You’re not alone_.

 

The moment was broken quickly as a black guy and an small Asian girl, most likely her friends, appeared by her side, each taking an arm to support her as though keeping her from falling to the ground.

 

She disappeared in the crowd while Ben simply stood there, wondering whether that had been a figment of his imagination. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems a lot of our characters are connected to one another. The world isn't that big sometimes....
> 
> Here are the songs mentioned (in chronological order) and are all from Robyn.  
> \- Be Mine  
> \- The Girl and The Robot (It's a Royksopp song featuring Robyn).  
> \- Dancing on my Own
> 
> Do listen to them if you ever get the chance.  
> I really hope you guys enjoyed this! While most of the fic is written, I can't say for sure exactly when I'll update but.. it should be...soon!
> 
> I do appreciate all your comments and kudos!
> 
> If you ever want to check me out:  
> Here's my [Tumblr](https://looc-at-me.tumblr.com/)  
> I'm on Twitter: Cocoloco4u.  
> I'm on TWD: looc_at_me  
> Feel free to say hi! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you guys enjoyed this! While most of the fic is written, I can't say for sure exactly when I'll update but.. it should be soon!
> 
> The song mentioned in this chapter was With Every Hearbeat by Robyn. Do listen to it! I love the vulnerability in the lyrics, like they're fighting a losing battle.
> 
> Since the fic is short, I'm not really going to dwell into everyone's backgrounds. I tried to let on that Ben struggled mentally during his teens and that he probably did cut out his parents for a while. 
> 
> I do appreciate all your comments and kudos!
> 
> If you ever want to check me out:  
> Here's my [Tumblr](https://looc-at-me.tumblr.com/)  
> I'm on Twitter: Cocoloco4u.  
> I'm on TWD.


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